shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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