I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
