also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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