we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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