Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
