Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
