But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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