We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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