I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
