Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
