One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
