just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
