i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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