The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
