Pappa wants mamma naked
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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