just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
