watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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