i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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