You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
