You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
