My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ketchup is God's man juice
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize