And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
