I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
