I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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