If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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