This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
