He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
