PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
