Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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