So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
