bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
