wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
