I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
