We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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