you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
