I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
