I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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