check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
