I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
