he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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