thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
