Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
