Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think i got beer on your cat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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