No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize