You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
