if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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