What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize