There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
