she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
