We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
