are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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