If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
