I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
