Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
