She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
