On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
