Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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