I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
