I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize