babies were throwing up all over the place
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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