True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
