One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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