You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
