i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
