so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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