I should be sponsored by Trojan
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
