the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
