i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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