sarcasm needs its own font
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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