you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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