She's JV to your varsity
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
