Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
