mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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