I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
