Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
