I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
