who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
