I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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