haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
