I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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