We named our party play list daddy issues
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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