giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
