I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
