But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
