I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
