Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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