Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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