85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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