I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
