The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
