I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
