Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
