Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
