FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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