Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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