Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
