I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
