Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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