jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
