As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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