I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
