not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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