the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
