He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
