I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
