I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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