Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
