If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
