The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
