Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
