All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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